Today is my fourth anniversary of my last day of radiation treatment. Paradoxically, it feels recent and yet distant. I can remember walking out of the hospital with my mask (that I had to wear during treatment) in my hand. They were going to throw it away but I couldn't let them do that. I never wanted to forget how awful the whole experience was and the mask was the most vivid reminder of the entire treatment process. To this day, I still have issues with confined spaces, and even with perceived confined spaces, because of that mask. When I'm not walking 20+ miles per day out in the woods, that mask sits on my wall, kind of like a set of deer antlers, as a trophy--not of an accomplishment, but as a reminder of how tough life can be and how good it is now. The worst day hiking beats radiation treatment anyday! Sometimes I lose perspective about that, but I try not to.
When I started this hike, today was supposed to be my last day on the trail. Obviously, that is not the case because I still have 250 miles to go in 12 days of hiking. The symmetry would have been nice to have, but I think this more accurately reflects how my ordeal with cancer really was. There was no end date when I magically was finished with it. I still deal with side effects, in fact. Things just kind of dragged on...kind of like the way the trail is going now.
Anyway, that is my reflective, philosophical moment for the day.
On a lighter note, I superglued my fingers together today. Yep, seriously. What happened was I used some superglue to fix a little piece of my shoe. Apparently, the glue was exactly the same temperature as my skin, because I didn't feel it at all. Then I went to move my fingers and I couldn't and then slightly panicked. It was my ring and middle fingers. Fortunately, Magic Man (remember him from California?) had come up all the way from Seattle just to say hello and take me out to lunch. It was trail magic at its finest! (Thanks, Magic Man!) Little did he know that I had been craving Krispy Kreme donuts recently and he had two dozen in the car with him! Ah, life is so good sometimes. Anyway, Magic Man went over to the local market and picked up a bottle of acetone-based nail polish remover so that I could soak my dilemma in it for awhile, which fixed the problem. I've still got some glue remnants on the nail of my ring finger, though. So the next time you get down on yourself for doing something dumb, just remind yourself that at least you didn't glue your fingers together!
Can't help but remember 9/21/09 myself, Ryan...with tears in fact. And for anyone reading this, if you haven't already done so, take time to read Ryan's cancer story at www.mytonguesucks.blogspot.com, especially his blog entry entitled "Victory" and dated 9/21/09.
ReplyDeleteI am reminded of what the Apostle Paul wrote to the Philippians and documented in the scriptures in Philippians 3:13-14
..."one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
Though you wouldn't "forget" your cancer experience, nor would you want to, I am inspired by the courage, perspective, and perseverance you were born with (and which intensified during your cancer battle) as you strain toward the "prize" of this current goal....the PCT finish line.
May the Lord bless you with strength, endurance, protection, and a full measure of joy!
Love,
Mom
P.S. I have just returned from the post office where I mailed your final bounce box - to Stehekin, Washington. May the Lord bless you and keep you and may His face shine upon you and give you peace.
9/23/09
Oops - I see my typing error - date of last cancer treatment was 9/21/2005, not 2009.....
ReplyDeleteMom again...